No one has ever loved me like him

We met in a tantra course. We actually met in the moment when, in one exercise, we were both lying on the floor asked to turn to our neighbour, looking into each others’ eyes and seeing the fire of love burning in there.

He connected to my deepest nature.
He connected to my soul, the divine within me.
I understood that one night when I played a mantra on my guitalele. When he listened to me singing, I could see, and I could feel him melt in love.

On my last night in Goa we then connected on the physical, sexual level as well.
It was amazing. Without any pushing, any wanting to get somewhere. Tantric.
He just looked into my eyes for ages and made poetry.

He took his own sweet time and I felt his love in every moment, with every centimeter of my skin and every layer of my soul that he discovered. This allowed me to be myself, show myself completely and give myself to him.

There was one moment in our love-making when he lay down on his back, I sat between his legs and held his genitals between my hands, I didn’t touch his penis even, just around the root. Yet that was enough for him to experience the most intense internal orgasm. He said it felt like a fountain of joy and love, of light within him. It was amazing how little touch was needed. Actually, just the combination of our energies allowed him to experience this. He made it happen himself, with a little help of my energy coming into play with his energy.

When you meet someone in such a safe space that exploration, that playing is possible, then you can actually be yourself and make love in a way that is intuitive and spontaneous and just beautiful. With his energy I felt the fire within me burning, I was wild, I was playful, I was courageous. And at the same time I could still be the water woman that I’ve always been. Full of feelings, fluid, vulnerable. He held the space for me, took care, was there.

No one has ever loved me like him before.

There was another moment when, after he’d entered me, I was lying on top of him, feeling him inside of me and looking into his eyes. I told him I loved him then. I’d never said “I love you” to someone that I’d known for such a little time. Yet I knew in this moment it had been just because of my conditioning. Actually, many lovers I had loved. But out of fear to be misunderstood in the moment, I had not said it. Became really touched and sad during sex because there were these intense feelings of love that I couldn’t express, that I didn’t let myself express. And in the moment when I told my Indian lover I loved him, all these past moments were healed. I felt a knot burst within my chest. My sadness went and joy came instead when I watched him smile to me and enjoy every single one of my three little words.

With him I really understood what Krishna and Radhe are about. That lover and beloved can’t be without the other. And that they’re actually one and the same. One and only one. I was the singer, and he was my listener. Without him listening to me, I couldn’t have sung. Without me singing, he couldn’t have listened. He was the poet, and I was the listener. Without me listening to him, he couldn’t have made poetry. Without him making poetry, I couldn’t have listened.

Two sides, two perspectives, just one being, one being together.

No one has ever loved me like him before.
Thank you.
Thank you, God.

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